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ON THE RECORD

Taryn

Toronto, Ontario, Canada

July 2024

From rural roots to city living, Taryn (37), an account director and nature lover, opens up about overcoming pregnancy challenges, finding balance as a mother to her son (13 months), and the importance of community.

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Why don't we start with an introduction, Taryn?

I grew up in Northwest Ontario (Canada) and have a true love of the bush. While I will never consider myself as a Torontotian, I’ve grown to love the city and our neighbourhood. 

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I travel for food more than location, and I feel my best when I’m outside or elbow-deep in a bowl of something delicious. I am also passionate about health and science. My favourite experiences volunteering have been for endometriosis and food security. I’m addicted to UK crime and mystery shows, but I’m finally getting back into nightly fiction reading. 

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Also, as a recovering planner, I’d like to add that nothing foils best-laid plans like a baby…

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Did you always envision having just one child? What led you to this decision?

Prior to trying to conceive, I thought that, if I were to have children, I’d have two. I think this is a common idea, especially when you’ve grown up having a close relationship with your sibling. 

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As my journey to becoming a mother became more and more complicated, I started to notice a shift in thinking. Instead, my thought became, “If I become a mother, then I will celebrate the joy of having a child, rather than children.”

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What were some factors that influenced your decision to be one-and-done?

I suffered from hyperemesis gravidarum (HG) during my pregnancy. Despite the medication and lifestyle changes, I was very sick from week six onwards. It made a considerable impact on my mental health. It is not something I would ever put myself or my family through again. Having also had the anxiety of multiple pregnancy losses previously, pregnancy was not something I enjoyed, but rather survived. 

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Postpartum had its own challenges, with postpartum thyroiditis wreaking havoc on my mental and physical health. My body hasn’t enjoyed either experience it seems.

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Have you faced any stigma or pressure regarding your decision to have one child? How have you handled it? 

So many people told me that, once my pregnancy was over, I’d forget all about how sick I was and I’d want another child. This postpartum amnesia never hit. Part of what got me through the third trimester was telling myself I’d never do this again. I have been surprised by how many people I know (and total strangers!) have been adamant that I’d change my mind about having another child. 

 

Sometimes, I brush it off; other times, I try to explain what HG is or the impact of thyroid changes during postpartum. I’ve tried my best to let go of interpreting their insistence as invalidating my experience.

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How do you balance your own needs with the demands of motherhood?

​​I'm a work-in-progress, what can I say…

 

My first order of business is trying to identify what my needs are. Infant sleep is a moving target and, with my postpartum thyroid challenges, it’s made prioritizing strength training difficult. 

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Something I am trying now is to ask for help rather than permission. I have a truly incredible partner who has been my teammate. However, I still find it hard to put myself first at times.

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What has been your greatest challenge in motherhood?

Regulating. I thought I had done enough work on myself before having a child, but the broken sleep and trying mental health isn’t easy. There have been heavy feelings and periods of isolation that I haven’t anticipated. I didn’t truly consider what happens when your community has children at different ages or really doesn’t want anything to do with them.

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Conversely, what has been the greatest joy of being a mother?

Watching my little one’s personality and temperament develop each day. Discovering flora and fauna with my son has filled me with joy. Cooking for him, even when the food starts flying, has been more fun than I would have predicted. â€‹â€‹â€‹â€‹

What are your three favourite aspects of being a mom to an only child?

  1. Being able to pour all I have into his needs and experiences. 

  2. Being present and mindful that each first is also a last.

  3. Knowing it’s all a season and each challenge will also bring joy.

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If you could instill one important lesson in your child, what would it be?

Regulating and expressing our emotions. Showing up as an empathic human is very important.​​​​

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How do you create a sense of community for yourself and your child?

We are big fans of our incredible neighbourhood early-on centre. I’m also a strong believer that friends can become family and your chosen village. Now that my little guy is older, he’s going to have even more fun learning and chasing after our friends’ kids. I made a coupe of wonderful friends off the Peanut app; I cannot imagine walking through the first year without them.

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A few more...

Recent statistics show that the number of one-child families is on the rise in many countries. From your perspective, why do you think more women are choosing to have only one child?

The cost of living is only going to increase, I think that this is having a significant impact on folks. There is a focus on lifestyle and environmentalism that I think is stronger now more than ever. Another consideration is that there are families having children later in life. There are so many ways to build a family and they are not always straightforward or easy.

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Do you have any siblings, and if so, how has your relationship with them shaped your perspective on parenting and influenced your decision to have one child?

I have an older brother. We were thick as thieves growing up, in part because of our two-year age gap. Before trying to conceive, I always thought that if I were to have children, I would have two. I couldn’t imagine a life without a sibling since my brother was a cornerstone of my identity as a child. Despite being so close, I felt like our accomplishments were often pitted against each other and that is something I wasn’t looking to recreate.​​​​

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Is there anything else you’d like to share with other mothers or those considering a one-and-done family?

Have conversations, journal, trust your gut and your heart. Only you will know what is right for you and your family. Do not listen to any of the external noise.​

Connect with Taryn:

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