A Global Community for Mothers of Only Children
ON THE RECORD
Karine
London, United Kingdom
July 2024
From skiing in the Alps to playing board games, Karine (43), an avid traveler and UN civil servant shares her journey of raising an only child, balancing family life in London, and embracing the special bond with her daughter (8).
Could you start by telling me a bit about yourself, Karine?
I’m a 43-year-old French Canadian living in London, United Kingdom. I work with the United Nations, which is what brought our family here. While I’ve lived in many countries, we’ve been calling London home for the past 13 years.
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I love traveling and have visited over 60 countries. Most of my family and childhood friends are still in Québec, Canada, so I visit them at least once a year.
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I’m an avid skier, and try to hit the Alps every winter. I’ve also been involved in various volunteer activities, ranging from helping refugees with their homework to coaching ice hockey. In my free time, I enjoy swimming, hiking, and I play in a weekly boardgame league. And I love stand-up comedy.
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Did you always envision having just one child? What led you to this decision?
I think so many people choose a number of children before even knowing what it’s like to have one. So, for me, it was never a number. I always thought I would have one and see how we feel.
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What were some factors that influenced your decision to be one-and-done?
I felt fulfilled with my daughter. Following her birth and subsequent years, I never felt an urge to have another child. I just felt so happy and complete with our trio family and the lovely balance we created.
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As well, living in Europe, much of our lifestyle is based on traveling. When we did our first trip with only hand luggage, my husband and I thought, “This is brilliant, maybe one child is the perfect number for us and our lifestyle.”
Financially, it’s also very interesting. There’s no denying that having children is expensive, especially in London with no family around. So to enjoy a certain standard of living, having only one provides us with more disposable income, which we can use to have a very comfortable and enjoyable family life.
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Additionally, as my child gets older, I enjoy being able to be fully present for homework and to organize fun activities together. And the homework only gets longer and more complex, requiring more of my time. ​
Have you faced any stigma or pressure regarding your decision to have one child? How have you handled it?
Far too much! I’ve even had people with no kids tell me I should have more. I have had colleagues, close friends, and even strangers tell me I should have more kids. At first, it was difficult, and I did feel the pressure and questioned my decision. But, luckily, with good friends, my parents, and the support of other one-and-done mothers, I have become more confident with my decision and it has become easier. Also, now that my daughter is older, people get the message!
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How do you balance your own needs with the demands of motherhood?
Striking that delicate balance is an art, even with one child!
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In the early years, it was more difficult, although I always made time to see friends or exercise. Luckily, I have a wonderful husband and that makes it easier. We pretty much share everything when it comes to childcare, so some nights he does the school run and it allows me to go swimming, for instance, or meet with friends.
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My work allows some degree of flexibility, which helps, as well, and, again, as the child gets older, that means more playdates and more free time for the parents!​​​​
What has been your greatest challenge in motherhood?
I think there’s been different ones at different ages. But, of course, the minute the baby is born, you will forever have the safety and well-being of that child on your mind and this is something I underestimated. My mental charge is much greater. I always think ahead, plan more, and that can demand a lot of energy.
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Motherhood also comes with judgment from other parents. It’s so personal, but inevitably people will judge your every decision.
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Conversely, what has been the greatest joy of being a mother?
Unconditional love. It sounds corny, but I love my child so much it hurts sometimes. As she grows, it’s wonderful to see the world through her experiences. The bond that we have is inexplicable. Simply wonderful. And all the fun things she says, it’s amazing. We try to write the best ones in a little memory book.​​​​
What are your three favourite aspects of being a mom to an only child?
Our bond is very special and I don't think I would have that if I had more kids.
Lucky for us, we share the same birthday, so we are already doing mother-daughter activities and it’s so sweet. I love being able to give her 100% of my attention. I can attend the majority of the many concerts, recitals, and shows that she has. She has my full attention.
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As an extra, I can also help other mothers that have multiple kids. Often, we bring my daughter’s friends with us on outings and other fun activities.
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If you could instill one important lesson in your child, what would it be?
There are several, actually. To be kind and not to take life too seriously. Life is full of surprises and we have to be adaptable. Great connections are not always through family members. And, finally, the joy of life can be found in nature and the wonders that surround us.​​​​
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How do you create a sense of community for yourself and your child?
We are very fortunate that, through her school network, we have met wonderful people that have become lifelong friends. Since we live in London and many families are also here without their families, we are very close.
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We also try to put our kids in the same clubs and activities and we travel with other families too. We have three families with whom we are like a family away from family, and it’s great. Our kids are growing up together. They all speak French, as well (going to a French school), which is a special thing that they share living in London.
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A few more...
Recent statistics show that the number of one-child families is on the rise in many countries. From your perspective, why do you think more women are choosing to have only one child?
One child clearly gives you more freedom and more income. One child also gives you the pleasure to experience motherhood without losing your own identity. Some women also are more career-driven and have kids later in life.
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Do you have any siblings, and if so, how has your relationship with them shaped your perspective on parenting and influenced your decision to have one child?
Yes, I have an older sister who has three kids herself. It has somewhat shaped my decision, I know for a fact that having a sibling is no guarantee to have a friend. My sister and I are on good terms, but we are not close and live in different countries. In fact, I am much closer to another cousin of mine.​​​​
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Is there anything else you’d like to share with other mothers or those considering a one-and-done family?
Go with your heart. Try to not base your decision on society’s pressure or an idea of what a “perfect” family looks like. And be somewhat logical about it. Raising a child is a lot of work and there is no point in having many kids if you are not able to provide a comfortable life.​
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