A Global Community for Mothers of Only Children
ON THE RECORD
Chantel
Royal Oak, Michigan, United States
July 2024
Balancing work, music, and motherhood, Chantel (32) reveals her path to raising an only child (3), overcoming postpartum hurdles, and creating a supportive community.
Tell me about yourself, Chantel.
I like to say I’m an extroverted introvert. I love being out and celebrating life, but I also very much enjoy my alone time, or down time with the family. I’m a singer/songwriter, love to camp, and love a good TV show! I also love a good Gin Martini.
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Did you always envision having just one child? What led you to this decision?
No - I grew up thinking I wasn’t even going to have one! But then, when I met my husband, my perspective changed. I saw that we had similar family values - he also has two brothers. We had so much fun together that I thought, “Why not add to this family of fun?!”. It wasn’t until a difficult birth and postpartum that I decided I was one-and-done.
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What were some factors that influenced your decision to be one-and-done?
I was so overwhelmed right after giving birth, and COVID had just hit, so we were very isolated. My husband did help out with our daughter, but I felt like the bulk of taking care of her was on me. As the months went by, and I eventually went back to work and school, things didn’t really change. I love my daughter, but I think if I had to go through it all again, I’m afraid it would break me.
Have you faced any stigma or pressure regarding your decision to have one child? How have you handled it?
Oh gosh, yes! The pressure has come mostly from my family. My mother and my mother- in-law are still not convinced. It’s comments from them that hurt the most. Especially because my husband would have more kids if it were solely up to him. I typically just stand my ground (in a very non-confrontational way) and then talk it through with my friends. My friends have been an incredible support.
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How do you balance your own needs with the demands of motherhood?
​​That’s such a hard question because I feel like I’m still trying to figure that out three years later. I’ve committed to taking trips with my friends and doing things that make me happy, aside from time with my daughter. Yet, I still sometimes feel like my needs come second.
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What has been your greatest challenge in motherhood?
Discipline! I like to think I’m very easygoing, so I have a hard time navigating what to push back on and how to discipline. I feel bad when I have to raise my voice, and I don’t like to do that, but it happens.
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Conversely, what has been the greatest joy of being a mother?
When my daughter, Riley, learns something new, or sees something for the first time, or figures something out, the joy on her face and the light that shines through her makes me so happy. Seeing that happiness radiating from her… it’s the best feeling.​​​​
What are your three favourite aspects of being a mom to an only child?
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Quality time with my daughter.
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Financial freedom.
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Time for myself, as well.
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If you could instill one important lesson in your child, what would it be?
To always be kind. You never know what someone has gone through, or is currently going through. You don’t have to allow people to walk all over you, but you can stand up for yourself and be kind at the same time.​​​​
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How do you create a sense of community for yourself and your child?
My friends are my second family. Some of them have kids, some of them don’t want kids, and some of them haven’t had any yet, so there’s a community of people whose families look different. We plan on having Riley try all sports and arts and let her choose what brings her joy. I think when she finds something that she really loves, she’ll also meet new friends that way.
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A few more...
Recent statistics show that the number of one-child families is on the rise in many countries. From your perspective, why do you think more women are choosing to have only one child?
I think more people are talking and realizing that we can make these tough decisions. I know being one-and-done isn’t always by choice, and if it is by choice, I think it’s because times are changing and we’re having these conversations.
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Do you have any siblings, and if so, how has your relationship with them shaped your perspective on parenting and influenced your decision to have one child?
I grew up with two sisters and I love them! My youngest sister passed away a year before I had Riley. Riley talks about her often, which really warms my heart! My other sister, Haley, is my best friend! I think the hardest decision to only have one was because I felt I was taking that away from her, but the more I read about it and talked to people, it’s not a guarantee that her relationship with a sibling would be the same.​​​​
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Is there anything else you’d like to share with other mothers or those considering a one-and-done family?
The “what-if’s” are always going to be there. It’s not always the easiest decision, or at least it was not for me. But - there is a community out there for you, for whatever you choose! No matter what, you are not alone.
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